An introduction to IFS and parts therapy
Learn how IFS (Internal Family Systems) and parts therapy help you understand emotional triggers, inner conflict, and nervous system responses. Explore the three parts, the role of Self, and a gentle practice to support healing with compassion.
Most of us have moments where we think, Why am I like this? Why did I react that way? Why can I not just get a handle on this feeling?
IFS and Parts Therapy offer a different lens. Instead of seeing these experiences as flaws, they understand them as communication from different parts within us. Not broken pieces. Not symptoms to eliminate. Just elements of your inner system doing their best to protect you.
Rooted in psychology and supported by research into trauma, memory, and nervous system responses, IFS, which stands for Internal Family Systems, helps us relate to ourselves with more understanding and less judgement. It is a structured, compassionate way to explore the patterns
What is IFS
Internal Family Systems is a therapeutic model created by Dr Richard Schwartz. It is based on the idea that we are made up of many parts, each with its own role, fears, histories, and intentions.
IFS sees the mind as a system. Parts interact with each other in the same way members of a family might. Some parts are loud and reactive. Some are quiet and tender. Some are protectors. Others hold pain or unmet needs.
This approach is not about trying to get rid of any part of you. Instead, it creates space to understand them. When parts feel seen and supported, the whole system becomes more balanced.
The three types of parts
Managers
These parts keep life predictable. They like control, planning, and prevention. They often help you avoid discomfort.
Example: the part that pushes you to keep it together at work even when you are overwhelmed.
Firefighters
These parts react quickly when you are triggered. They try to put out emotional fires by numbing, distracting, or shutting down.
Example: the part that reaches for your phone, food, or busyness when feelings feel too big.
Exiles
These parts hold the wounds. They are often younger, tender parts carrying old pain, shame, fear, or unmet needs. They are usually pushed out of awareness because their feelings can be overwhelming.
IFS helps each of these parts feel recognised rather than rejected. It creates internal cooperation instead of internal conflict.
Why do we have parts
From a psychological and neurological perspective, parts develop as adaptations. They show up to help you function in the world with the experiences you have had.
This is consistent with what we know from trauma theory, memory, and protective physiology. When we go through difficult experiences, the nervous system learns to respond in ways that help us cope. Parts often carry those learned patterns.
IFS frames this not as pathology but as protection. Even the parts you dislike are trying to keep you safe in the only way they know how.
The role of the Self
IFS teaches that beneath all these parts is the Self. The Self is the calm, compassionate, grounded awareness at the centre of who you are.
The Self is not a part. It is the internal leader. When your Self is present, you feel more curious, more open, and more connected.
From a therapeutic perspective, this mirrors what we understand about regulated states and the social engagement system. You are more able to respond with intention instead of reacting from fear or habit.
IFS helps you move from part led reactions to Self led responses.
How IFS and Parts Therapy support healing
A more compassionate inner dialogue
Instead of fighting with yourself, you learn to listen to what parts need.
A clearer understanding of triggers
Triggers stop feeling random. You begin to see which parts are activated and why.
Reduced shame
IFS helps you understand that your reactions make sense based on your lived experiences.
An ability to meet discomfort with more softness
As parts feel safer, they do not need to work so hard to protect you.
Greater emotional regulation
Working with parts supports nervous system settling, which increases your capacity to manage stress.
A small practice to try
The next time you feel overwhelmed, try this short check in:
Pause
See if you can find in or around your body where you notice that part (feeling, behaviour, thought)
Notice that this is a part of you, and see if you can notice how you feel towards it
Offer it a simple acknowledgement such as "I hear you"
This is not about fixing. It is about witnessing.
Parts work is a gentle invitation to understand yourself differently. You do not have to analyse every thought or justify every behaviour. You can simply become curious about the inner experiences driving your reactions. When you approach your inner world with more compassion, your nervous system has more space to settle. Life begins to feel less like a battlefield and more like a conversation.
If you would like to explore IFS and parts work in a grounded, evidence informed way, you are welcome to join one of
my upcoming workshops or 1:1 sessions. You will find full details on my website.